THE 10 TYPES OF PEOPLE ON NIGERIA TWITTER

If you spend a lot of time on Twitter, you would have bumped into one of these ten characters. You just have to. They are everywhere!!

1) The Cool Kids- Twitter is just like secondary school and in every secondary school (including public ones) there are always these cool kids who believe they are better than everyone else. They will forcefully let you know why KFC in Atlanta is better than the ones in Lagos. They wake up one morning and determine what should be said and not be said on Twitter. The cool kids on Nigerian Twitter will let you know they are better than you regular folks and that they have been around the world, twice with no visas.

If a new phone or app is out, they tweet about it first and rant about it till something else pops up. They go on about how this phone is better than that phone and how they find Elegushi Beach disgusting and pedestrian. Cool kids are mean and they never hesitate to insult anyone on Twitter who they feel isn’t as fab as them. Unfortunately they have a lot of followers because just like in secondary school everyone wants to be in their cool book.

2) The Enlightened Ones- The enlightened ones are always the first to retweet a ‘breaking news’ tweet or shed more info on a particular topic whether you asked for it or not. They are never shy in letting you know they are brilliant. Some of them might even go as far as instagramming their WAEC results.

They are the nerds of Twitter and no matter how hot a gadget or phone is they are quick to let you know its fault. Nothing ever pleases them. If you have a movie you are dying to watch, don’t go through their tweets, they will ruin the movie for you with their over-analysis and criticism. They see ‘Avengers’ and ‘Avatar’ as boring flicks. They find a fault in everything and everyone except themselves. They tweet too much. Most of them are really on a lot of people’s mute list.

3) Models- Now we are not talking about real models. Real models exist on Twitter. We are talking about the fake models who put up a picture of themselves on Instagram and tag it #nofilter plus forty other irrelevant tags. Throughout the day their timeline is filled with instagrammed pictures of different pouts and postures.

You don’t want to know what happens when they ‘finally’ take a picture with a celeb. They won’t stop gushing about it all day. They are at every event and party. They will post it on all their social networks including Hi 5. Somehow they never put up a picture of them actually ‘modelling’ or strutting on the runway. Maybe their type of modelling isn’t mainstream yet. God knows how they can afford those big bags and expensive phones. Are you pondering what we are pondering?

4) Twitter Celebs- Twitter celebs are people who basically tweet crap from morning to night. They generate irrelevant tweets that force you to respond like “80 percent of female bankers in Nigeria are prostitutes” Therein lies the trick. Once you respond you are making them popular which undoubtedly gives them more followers. Then comes the second phase.

These twitter celebs have an ‘epiphany’ on how they can use the large numbers of followers they have to make money for themselves. They suddenly morph into artiste managers/PR persons/online hype machines/guidance and relationship counselors and what have you. They can be quiet drab to follow unless they get involved in a twit fight.

5) Haters- SMH…haters are the scum of Twitter. They see nothing good in what people do. They solely exist in taking people down, famous people especially. If Genevieve has a new car they tweet about her not having a man. When Toolz conducts a new interview, they make fun about her size. When Sina Rambo drops a song they abuse him and his father. They are very bitter and insecure people whose only joy comes from insulting relevant people.

Ironically they haven’t achieved anything. Some of them even beg for money to pay for their BIS which they would later end up using to insult people online. How pathetic.

6) Struggle Artistes- OMG. Where do we begin? Twitter undoubtedly is great tool for networking. It has helped to kick start the careers of many artistes so far. Unfortunately some many have abused this.  (Struggle) artistes hound you with links to their songs that you honestly want to sue them for stalking you.

Apart from clogging Twitter with their download links, they gush about how they are better than established acts and how their next song will be the smash hit of the year. Somehow it never is. They complain more about the ‘evil’ Nigerian music industry than recording and doing something productive.