BACK TO THE MATTER: IN PURSUIT OF EXCITEMENT

In Ayomide Tayo’s (in)frequent column, he writes on what options the average working class man in Lagos has for excitement. In his humorous way he links football, Big Brother Africa and strip clubs with his witty pen. 

All praises due to the Most High. It’s yet another Monday morning- for the human race that’s the beginning of another 5 day rat race. Wake up, go to work, come back home, eat, sleep- that’s a rough sketch of the average working person. Pardon me for yawning; the non-excitement of living such a life has me shedding tears. I have always wondered what working people do for excitement.

For many guys excitement comes during the weekends when your plasma screen is on and you are watching your favourite team sweat it out on the pitch for 90 minutes. It’s exciting to cuss at the referee (the ref that gave Nani a red card is still a rat!) and stay on your knees begging your team not to concede a last minute goal. There’s nothing like football induced adrenalin on the weekends and weekdays during the Champions League. I have seen men, who live ordinary lives turn into hype beasts, foaming at their mouths just because of a round ball. That’s excitement! It gets the people going. Sadly the soccer gods have gone on recess for the next three months- what a buzz kill. The Confederations Cup is there but that’s a piss poor form of week to week football action. So what is there for a guy to watch now that football season is on break? Pls don’t say Big Brother Africa- The Chase.

Pardon me for not jumping for joy at the arrival of Big Brother Season. I find it odd and borderline voyeuristic to watch people cooped into a house for 91 days. Sadly most women (and homosexuals-I am kidding) do not share my sentiments. So women who have been sidelined for 9 months during football season have now been liberated thanks to DStv. For 90/91 days just know that the average woman out there is holding the remote- talk about female emancipation. Well, from the entire buzz on Twitter last night, I guess watching women with big boobs and hips aren’t such a bad thing. What time is shower hour again guys? Hehehe this Big Brother edition might be the first I will watch. Hey don’t judge me. Also I know a contestant, Ada Beverly. Yes I met her at Eko Hotel in 2010 and we vibed for like 15 minutes. Yes I am famzing and no I won’t tell you how I and 3 other guys ended up in a room with Ada and a few sexy dancers. You will have to buy my autobiography or watch my biopic played by Jaden Smith.

But if you are not in the BBA thing, I feel for you bro. How many places are there in Lagos for a man who has toiled day and night to let off some steam? This is where my grouse with the Pharaoh of Lagos state comes in. I applaud him for all his efforts on trying to make Lagos a mega city and his partial ban of okadas has made me a fitter person (if you see me slabbing, holla at your boy). My issue with him is this, how can Lagos be a mega-city if there aren’t up to 24 strip clubs in the city? How does he expect taxpaying men who have toiled all day long working for their slave masters to cool off? Nothing relives a man from stress than seeing some good ol flesh and having a cold beer in his hands. Our dear governor should encourage them so that the male populace can be more productive. The more productive they are, the more taxes. All in a favour say Aye!!!!!!

At the end of the day we are all in the rat race trying to survive, make a living and earn money. Whether you are an 8-5 person or your own boss, we are all in the rat race. Once in a while we need a break, we need to chill and relax. Many people unwind in so many ways. I just want to know, what do you do for excitement?
God bless Nigeria and the producers of Iron Man 3.